


Outside It Starts To Pour

by madnessiseverything



Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Flashbacks, Sweaters, tiny sliver of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 12:53:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9124645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madnessiseverything/pseuds/madnessiseverything
Summary: It’s unfair. It’s cruel, awful and so very unfair. She’s the one with a ticking time bomb in her head, the one with nosebleeds and headaches and seizures. She’s the one with a due date stamped everywhere on her body.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know either, people. but i am not sorry.  
> thanks to [riri](http://twistedromanticgeek.tumblr.com/) for beta-ing.  
> (title from the neighbourhood's "sweater weather")

Cassandra is sitting in front of the big window, aware of each rain drop that hits the glass. She stares down at the sweater sleeves reaching over her wrists and halfway up her hands, her fingers curling into the soft material. Her hands fall down to rest on her legs. She hates that the sweater still smells like him, how she can smell the cologne he wore to fancy events or when he felt like striding through their apartment with that stupid smirk of his. Or how it doesn’t fit her well, a reminder that it used to fit someone with broader shoulders each time it slips.    
  
Yet she can’t bring herself to take it off, not even after three hours of sitting on the broad windowsill, legs crossed and knees barely touching the cold window pane as she watches the world disappear. It tears at her to be reminded of who this sweater belonged to, yet she cannot help but be desperate for any memory of him.    
  
It’s unfair. It’s cruel, awful and so very unfair. She’s the one with a ticking time bomb in her head, the one with nosebleeds and headaches and seizures. She’s the one with a due date stamped everywhere on her body. She’s the one that was supposed to die in their story.    
  
Not Ezekiel, the thief with more good in him than any human she had ever met. Not him. Never him.    
  
And yet the numbers and images in her brain won’t stop repeating, won’t stop replaying the exact numbers, distances and locations her brain had calculated after watching Eve freeze in the middle of their office, face pale and eyes wide. She had known then, when Eve stumbled against the desk and started shaking, that he wasn’t coming back. And when Jake barged in, chest heaving and voice broken, Jenkins on his tail with clasped hands, she couldn’t hold in the dry sob that clawed at her throat.    
  
Now she is sitting here, only a few doors away from their team, in his room and wearing his sweater. She closes her eyes, pain surging up as she confronts the flood of information in her brain. With all the strength she can find within herself, she pushes past the mountain of formulas. She remembers the sessions of training it took for her to get to this point. She remembers his proud smile when she told him she had managed to ignore the influx of numbers in order to remember their first meeting. She remembers the fucking sweaters.   
  
_ “You know, I think it would suit you.”  _ __  
__  
_ “You think?”  _ __  
__  
__ “Anything looks good on you, Kitten.”    
  
The smile that went with those words makes her heart skip a beat despite pain and anger at the world weighing it down. She tugs the sleeves further over her hands. 

_ They hadn’t meant to actually fall in the water. They were supposed to draw out the targets for Eve to get a good shot at them. But neither of them considered the fact that they might not be faster than the targets and wouldn’t have time to stop in front of the pond.  _ __  
__  
_ She spluttered and climbed out of the water, Jake following her with an annoyed huff. “That’s the least understandable place to put a damn pond, who the hell thought of that?” The historian said with a grumble and Cassandra laughed, wrapping her arms around herself. The cold water was getting to her, lip trembling already.  _ __  
__  
_ “Cassie!” She looked up to find Ezekiel rushing towards them, tugging at his sweater. “You ok?” He asked, face hidden by dark blue material.  _ __  
__  
_ “Yeah,” she answered with a grin. “It was kinda fun, actually. Right?” Jake looked at her incredulously.  _ __  
__  
_ “Fun?!”  _ __  
__  
_ Ezekiel laughed and moved closer to shove the sweater over Cassandra’s head. He smiled as she poked her head out. “Better?”  _ __  
__  
_ “Now everything’s gonna be wet.”  _ __  
__  
_ Ezekiel raised his eyebrows and Jake groaned loudly.  _ __  
__  
“Cassandra?”    
  
She turns her head to look at Flynn, standing in the door with an uncertain expression on his face. “Yes?”    
  
“Jenkins made tea.”   
  
Cassandra wants to refuse. She wants to stay wrapped in memories and the stupid sweater, staring at the rain. She can’t, though.   
  
“I’ll be right there,” she answers. Flynn gives a small smile and closes the door.    
  
Cassandra turns back to the rain and gives her own reflection a smile that looks terrible; tired and stretched. She can’t stay sitting here in the past. She isn’t the only one who lost Ezekiel.    
  
With a soft sigh she pulls off the sweater and folds it, placing it on the bed. She runs her fingers over it for a few seconds.    
  
“Goodbye,” she whispers.    
  
Without another glance back she leaves the room, the door closing with a soft click.

**Author's Note:**

> you can yell at me for this on [tumblr](http://madnessiseverything.tumblr.com/).


End file.
